Parents praise their oldest golden child and ostracize their ‘black sheep’ son for years: ‘I'm chasing the shadow of my family's approval’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Sep 21, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

The black sheep of the family is usually the black sheep because they refuse to tolerate mistreatment from parents, siblings, and other extended family members. No matter how bright you try to make your wool, if your family doesn't want to appreciate you, you will never feel accepted in the way you want to. This is a hard pill to swallow for many, like the son in this next story, but coming to terms with the fact that he is not the problem and rather, his family is, allows him to hold out for what's to come in his future.

A typical golden child story is tiresome at this point, but the way this sibling explains his isolation from his parents and the lengths caretakers will go to ensure he is kept down a peg is outrageous.

Even though you might be wondering where the retribution is, I'd say it is in the radical acceptance this kid feels. Say goodbye to constant familial pandering, and say hello to living for oneself and oneself only. Scroll below to read the full story.

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  • "I'm just downright incompatible with my family."
    via Curated Lifestyle For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • "I'm chasing after nothing"

    There are 4 of us siblings, and I'm the middle child, together with my twin. I'm not close to anyone else in my family (my fraternal twin included) but my younger brother.
    via KiyotakaTatsuya
  • As the black sheep of the family, I developed perfectionism, people- pleasing, and rebellious attitudes during my adolescence. I figure that if my family kept ganging
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  • up on me and wouldn't accept me as I am, I had to find other people who would. But because I was scapegoated, I developed anxiety and depre son, and I couldn't form strong
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  • relationships even at school. I started internalizing what they thought of me, and I started to genuinely believe I was "defective", "pathetic", "oversensitive", and "weak".
    via KiyotakaTatsuya
  • When I was confronting my feelings and really dug deep, inspired by shadow. work, which I heard about some time ago -- I found out one of my insecurities was the feeling of
    via KiyotakaTatsuya
  • inadequacy because my parents valued obedience and intelligence above all else, so if anyone were to act authentically and be honest about their
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  • thoughts, they'd be stigmatized. They'll become the outcasts of the family, and all sorts of negative narratives will be thrown at them. As far
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  • back as I can recall, I don't remember anyone really having my back, so I became cynical, and it destroyed my self-esteem.
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  • As an older guy now, I learned that I should own my feelings, but part of my reflections and introspection made me realize that I'm just downright incompatible with my family.
    via KiyotakaTatsuya
  • When I act happy and confident, I get treated like an annoying idiot, and it takes a lot of mental resilience just to try and be authentic. If the price of admission to be
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  • "accepted" by my family is to act like I'm less than, clearly I'm in the wrong place.
    via KiyotakaTatsuya
  • boy standing beside his older, more appreciated brother
    via TopSphere Media for Unsplash

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I just realized that as my mom was only ever loved to praise my older brother, I realized that her criteria was based on obedience and intellect. My older brother was the golden child she could show off
    via KiyotakaTatsuya
  • to feel better about her parenting skills. As far back as I can recall, my older brother was the biggest ah le of a bu y, and my parents only ever
    via KiyotakaTatsuya
  • enabled him. If my twin brother and I asserted ourselves and defended ourselves like normal people, it would be turned around on us and they'd
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  • tell us to respect this d hebag. No matter how explicit he was in his bu ying, he never got the consequences and his victims (me and my twin) would just be called on to "toughen up".
    via KiyotakaTatsuya
  • It seems like my mom doesn't value the fact that I'm the one who's always there for her, the one who does the bulk of chores around the house to take the load off her. I just find
    via KiyotakaTatsuya
  • it really ironic that my older brother who has no responsibilities at all around the house cos he's lazy a, gets all the credit. Meanwhile, here I am. juggling applying for my
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  • Master's, working for my parents and being the sole son who gets entrusted with the responsibilities, and I'm still immature, useless and get treated compared to my siblings.
    via KiyotakaTatsuya
  • My loneliness during my developmental years seems to have adversely affected me now, because I'm chasing the shadow of my family's approval. It's
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  • never enough, and their expectations are constantly recalibrating. I seemed to have developed the maladaptive cognition of trying to earn my place in the family by going above.
    via KiyotakaTatsuya
  • and beyond what even I believe I'm capable of, only to end up feeling used like I'm just their gopher who exists to serve them. My role in my family is a loveless
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  • existence, and I only do my part because they still provide for me. Once I am able to provide for myself, I extremely highly doubt that I would stick around. Living alone and living with them is almost the same thing anyway.
    via KiyotakaTatsuya
  • songbyrd66 I'm not sure if you know this, but the black sheep of each family is usually the one that sent to confront unhealthy structures within that family. I happen to be one within my family structure so I understand the isolation and the feeling that no one really understands you.
    via KiyotakaTatsuya
  • I think the most important thing you can do for yourself is let go of your need for approval and acceptance from them and focus on being your most authentic self... For you and for no one else. Just continue working on building a life where you can separate and be self-sufficient and experience the joy that is your birthright. I'm wishing you so much luck.
    via KiyotakaTatsuya

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family dynamics family drama entitled parents entitlement sibling rivalry siblings reddit story family feud parenting entitled family sibling reddit thread parent Reddit golden child Parenting Fail parents entitled people Parenting FAILS
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